After Duloc
by Einna Mellon
Summary: "Do you know... the Muffin Man?" 'After Duloc' is a tale centered around the Gingerbread Man, sprinkled delicately with laughter, adventure, romance, and perhaps cinnamon.
1. Introduction to After Duloc series

After Duloc - Intro  
  
It was not so long ago that Lord Farquaad had bitterly threatened to   
attack my gumdrop buttons, or stuck my head in a glass of milk. Who am I?  
I am the Gingerbread Man. Perhaps you have seen me in Shrek, a film  
that shows the horror of Lord Farquaad, and more pleasant, delightful exam-  
ples of laughter and fairy tale creatues, which, by the way, deserve to be   
treated fairly! Just like any Rapunzel of Hansel or his sister.  
  
"Okay," I had finally given in. "I'll tell you. Do you know... the Muffin   
Man?"  
  
"The Muffin Man?" Lord Farquaad's curiousity had grown.  
  
"The Muffin Man." I confirmed.   
  
The days of being inside Duloc are over, thank goodness. But my story is not.  
Though most of the attention was given to Shrek and his flamboyant sidekick,  
I have, in reality, many adventures that were not captured by the Hollywood   
cameras. (Partly because, as I discovered in my later discussions with the pro-  
ducer, the film would capture Shrek's life, mostly, as they did not think that  
the name "Gingerbread Man" was one-syllabled enough for them.)   
  
As you will see in the "chapters" to come in this novel of my life after Duloc,  
I do know the Muffin Man, and my high-pitched voice is really quite cute.  
  
Sit back, relax, and say hello to the Muffin Man's wife for me, if you see her,   
please. She always made the best pies.   
  
© Einna Mellon 2002 


	2. After Duloc The Three Bears & Moving On...

After Duloc - The Two Bears & Moving On   
  
I was still disturbed from the not-so-long-ago encounter with Lord Farquaad.  
I would shudder at the sight of milk or any other dairy product, and I would  
super-glue my gumdrop buttons to myself every week or so, to prevent anyone  
from trying to steal them. Truth be told, I had become a bit paranoid. I sat  
at home, watching re-runs of whatever show was on, whether it be 'Cooking with  
the Three Little Pigs' or 'The Big Bad Wolf Show', clutching the remote tightly,  
and on occasion, calling Princess Fiona (now changed from her former redhead self)  
for advice on how to keep my frosting lips cherry-red.  
  
I reluctantly called for Donkey's fire-breathing dragon wife to take me to a  
nearby psychiatrist. The psychiatrist would be the only person who had the power   
to help me. As soon as I was at the humble building, I took the winding path   
towards the door,sighing sadly. I waved goodbye to Dragon, and told her to pick  
me up in an hour or so.   
  
"Hello, Gingerbread Man," the executive leather chair had its back turned to me,  
so I could not see who was sitting in the chair, but the kind voice was familiar.  
  
"Cinderella?" I asked, gazing closer. The chair spun around slowly.  
  
"Yes." Cinderella smiled gently. Her hair had some strawberry blond highlights now,   
but she generally looked the same. "How are you, Gingerbread Man?"  
  
"I'm... I'm... fine, I suppose." I looked away, and sighed heavily. "Well, I'm not  
fine, actually. I'm quite disturbed still, from... what happened."  
  
"I understand. I know what pain can feel like. Glass slippers are not comfortable-  
why do you think I kicked one off while I was running? I had blisters! See- now I   
wear socks with all shoes. You should try it. It'll make you feel better." Cinderella  
showed me her striped socks, worn with one glass slipper, and on the other foot, a  
jogging sneaker.   
  
I nodded with understanding, and continued with my problem. "I do fine without shoes,  
it's just that... I'm feeling a bit insecure now. Farquaad is still, perhaps, living  
inside of Dragon's stomach- short men are hard to digest, I have heard, but I still  
feel scared. Heck, I can't even look at a glass of milk without crying an ocean of  
sugary tears! I need medication- shots, or pills! I want to live happily ever after!  
Not like some crazy, paranoid freak!" I wiped away a tear.  
  
"Gingerbread man, I can understand that you feel unsafe now. But drugs are not the  
answer. Even prescription drugs can change a person dramatically. Just look at the   
Frog Prince. Turning into a frog was a side effect of medication for attention deficet  
disorder, not a spell cast by a witch, contrary to popular belief." Cinderella gazed  
sadly. Suddenly, the door was flung open with a loud creaking.  
  
In the doorway, stood Papa Bear, along with Baby Bear, who was weeping uncontrollably.   
Cinderella stared at them in surprise.  
  
"I'm sorry, Papa Bear, but I'm in the middle of an appointment with the Gingerbread Man.   
Please talk to the receptionist about your appointment next week-" Cinderella started,   
somewhat flustered.  
  
"Unfortunately, it cannot wait." Papa Bear patted Baby Bear's back gently. "Look at my boy!"  
  
I sat with my hands clutched on my lap, staring in awe.   
  
"He looks perfectly fine to me," Cinderella placed her hands on the desk.   
  
"He may look fine on the outside, but inside, he's a mess!" Papa Bear pointed at his son, who   
then sobbed even more, as if the mention of something caused him to become grief-stricken.   
Papa Bear then wiped away a few of his own tears, and continued. "The Duloc police just gave us  
the search warrant to Farquaad's castle. We wanted to look for Momma Bear, who had been missing  
since we can remember. Do you know what we found upstairs?" Papa Bear started crying.  
  
"Please, would you just calm down-" Cinderella started.  
  
"Farquaad had turned Momma Bear into a rug!" Papa Bear said through loud sobs, accomplanied by   
his son. "I hadn't noticed after searching until the footage was played to us- Farquaad was   
watching Princess Fiona through the magic mirror, and on the ground...!"  
  
A few tears found their way out of Cinderella's eye. I was in quiet, sad, anger.  
  
"I'm very sorry," Cinderella blew her nose. "but there's nothing I can really do,   
unfortunately. Farquaad is, in a sense, gone, and there is nothing I can do about... you know."   
  
"I want my mom!" Baby Bear exclaimed, and then buried himself in his hankerchief.  
  
I knew I had to do something. But what, my mind was still developing...  
  
to be continued... ----- 


	3. After Duloc The Three Bears & Moving On ...

------------- from Part 1 of 'After Duloc - The Three Bears & Moving On'

After sitting there for quite a bit, listening to Papa Bear and Baby Bear  
weep oceans of tears, causing dents in the dirt floor, I stood up. 

"I know who can help you!" I exclaimed in my oh-so-popular voice, a bit   
uneasy about what they would reply.

The two bears looked at me in surprise, and rubbed their eyes in disbelief.  
They probably surprised at how well my leg had healed after Lord Farquaad   
had attacked it brutally, and then Papa Bear clenched his paw in anger at   
the thought of the midget. 

"Gingerbread Man," Cinderella looked at me unsure. "are you sure you can   
handle this?"

"Yes," I replied, and continued. "Now that Lord Farquaad's castle has been   
turned into the Duloc Museum, we can ask Magic Mirror if you can go on the  
Dating Game! It worked for Farquaad!"

Baby Bear looked a little skeptical at first, and then brightened. "I heard  
that they're giving away spools of gold thread to the first fifteen people   
who can guess the weight of the pea that was under the princess' mattress!"

"Why not?" Papa Bear sighed sadly. "Goodbye Cinderella. See you in a week."

"Goodbye!" I waved.

"Wait...but..." Cinderella said in surprise at our sudden exit.

  
We arrived at Lord Farquaad's castle. I shivered at the sight of it, not be-  
cause it was frightening in itself, but because of my frightening experience   
there. I noticed that the two bears felt the same way I did, as they strug-  
gled to look at the castle's windows without breaking down into tears. 

We soon found ourselves in Farquaad's kitchen, where I again, had a shudder  
attack. Magic Mirror seemed to be asleep.

"Wake up!" Baby Bear screamed.

"No, mum, let me ride pony..." Magic Mirror said, apparently still in   
sleep. Finally, after blinking a few times, Magic Mirror stared in sur-  
prise. "Oh, hello. This room was remodeled two centuries ago, after the   
original owner decided that the toilet was unacceptable for the chef-"

"Magic Mirror," I interrupted his automatic tourist-info-chat. "it's me,   
Gingerbread Man!"

Magic Mirror stared at me, and then smiled. "It really is you! How are you   
doing, and how can I help you and your two friends? Wait... weren't there   
three of them last time-?"

"Farquaad." I replied simply, careful of my words around the two griefsticken   
bears. Magic Mirror nodded in understanding.

"He never treated me well. I still shudder uncontrollably when I remember him   
directing his dimwitted Colodius to show me a sample of his power," Magic   
Mirror started his shuddering spree.

"We don't have time for your shuddering, Magic Mirror! We need the only thing   
that will help Papa Bear find the woman of his dreams!" I said the last part   
in a TV-announcer voice with the best of my ability. "The Dating Game!" Then I   
started "do-do-do"ing, re-creating the Dating Game music.

"Ugh," Magic Mirror shook his head bashfully. "Fine." 

The real Dating Game music came on, and Magic Mirror's face was replaced temp-  
orarily with the purple-with-flowers background, along with three faded pictures   
of the soon wives-to-be. Baby Bear clapped his hands in excitement, while Papa   
Bear gulped.

"What are we waiting for?" Magic Mirror said in his Dating-Game-host voice. "It's   
time for you to meet our eligable bachelorettes! And here they are!  
"Bachelorette Number One's perfect if you like the older women. And I mean, older.   
She enjoys having baskets of fruits and snacks brought to her on a daily basis. But   
don't be discouraged. Her hobbies include wakeboarding and dancing at night clubs.   
It's Little Red Riding Hood's Grandmother!  
"Bachelorette Number Two is an in-your-face, I'm-eating-you-for-lunch kind of wo-  
man. She's very sweet. In fact, she currently resides in a gingerbread house, coat-  
ed with frosting. Her hobbies are are pushing little kids around, and throwing them   
into the fire. It's the Witch from Hansel and Gretel! "Last but not least, Bachelorette   
Number Three is a girl who's sick of her younger brothers getting all the attention.   
She's all grown up now, but does the phrase 'Four Little Pigs' ring a bell? Probably   
not- she auditioned for the role of the fourth pig, but was turned down when Hollywood   
producers went short on casting money. Things that comfort this pig are reading cheesy   
romance novels, eating entire sticks of butter, and filling in crossword puzzles. It's   
the lesser known, Fourth Pig!  
"So, who'll it be? Bachelorette Number One, Bachelorette Number Two, or Bachelor-  
ette Number Three?" Magic Mirror smiled. 

Papa Bear looked about doubtfully. I clenched my hands together hopefully. Baby  
Bear had fallen asleep. Magic Mirror was still smiling. The mice on the window-  
sill dressed in clothes squeaked "One!", "Two, two!", or "Pick three!". 

"Who are you going to pick?" I asked, though I secretly wished for someone who  
could cook, and I had a sense that the Fourth Pig was a cooking maven.

"Hm," Papa Bear looked at everyone in the room nervous. "I... I pick... I pick..."  
Papa Bear sighed heavily with woe. "I don't pick any of them." Papa Bear started  
for the door, which he then kicked with all his might.

BANG! A loud noise seemed to have come from the ceiling.

"What was that?" I walked away from the spot that was now wet, thanks to me being  
startled so horribly.

"I don't know, Gingerbread Man, the window washers don't come until Tuesday..." Magic   
Mirror pondered.

We all turned around. What we saw startled us more, hence the gasps. A brown bear   
with a lavender bow on her head was lying on the ground. She seemed to be conscious;   
I hope she was still breathing. I jumped off of the table and crept cautiously toward  
the area.

Papa Bear seemed even more startled- I'm not sure why, though. He moved slowly towards  
the bear at first, and then rushed to her side.

"Jaquelyn?" He said, stunned.

The bear seemed to be awaking. "Ah! Get away from me Giant- Whew! I'm not on the bean-  
stalk anymore!"

"The beanstalk?" Magic Mirror asked.

"The Giant?" I said in chorus with the now-awaken Baby Bear.

"Yeah," Jaquelyn the Bear said, straightening her bow, which had become crooked. "You   
know, Jack and the Beanstalk. Jack, short for Jackie? Jackie, short for Jacquelyn?   
Pleased to meet you. I assume you're Gingerbread Man, Magic Mirror, and... Papa Bear?  
Is it really you?" Jaquelyn stood up.

"Huh? You know each other?" Baby Bear raised an eyebrow.

"Of course," Papa Bear smiled at the memory. "we were a couple in high school- and then,  
well, you cheated on me with the Big Bad Wolf!" Papa Bear's grin turned to a saddened,  
somewhat angered look. "And then I met your mother, Baby Bear."

"No," Jaquelyn corrected. "that was a rumor! I never cheated on you! I tried to tell you!   
All the emails I sent!"

"You didn't?" Papa Bear was just as surprised as everyone else in the room, who had the  
least clue about what was going on.

"Wait a minute- you're telling me," I tried to clarify, "that you two dated in high school,  
then broke up because of a rumor, and then never saw Jaquelyn again?"

The re-united couple nodded.

"What about all that beanstalk prattle?" I demanded to know in a gentle way. "How did you   
even get into this room? I never even saw you come from the door!"

"Let me explain," Jaquelyn paced slowly around the room. "Jack and the Beanstalk. Remember-  
Jack, short for Jackie. Jackie, short for Jaquelyn. Jaquelyn is who I am. I was at the top  
of the beanstalk. The Giant was chasing me, thanks to the 'Blood of an Englishman' scented   
potpourri I had in my pocket. I fell of the beanstalk, and landed on the roof of this castle.  
I had been asleep up there for who knows how long. Then, I suppose I fell... somehow."

Papa Bear smiled. "That was me! I had kicked the door in anger, which sent you flying down  
to this room!" Baby Bear nodded in satisfaction.

"Where's your wife?" Jaquelyn asked with caring interest.

"Can I explain this time?" Magic Mirror sighed.

"Go ahead. The stage is your's," Papa Bear motioned. 

I'm just a plain Gingerbread Man who was almost killed by Lord Farquaad. You know what   
happens next. It's all there- Papa Bear reunites with his high school love, after the   
tragic loss of his former wife. His former love seems to have the same charm as before.   
Yup- you guessed it- Papa Bear marries the pig, and sends Jaquelyn a 'Get Well Soon' card.   
Just kidding. 

As you guessed the first time, Papa Bear marries Jaquelyn, and Baby Bear is happy, as  
Jaquelyn teaches him oragami. They live happily ever after- for now.

My humble gingerbread throat is getting a bit sore now. I'll be pouring myself a cup of  
frosting 'n almonds tea, and tomorrow, I'll tell you about how an evil midget became an  
evil midget. Until then, "Do you know... the Muffin Man?"

© Einna Mellon 2002


End file.
